August Reflections and Photos

I wanted to write a post tonight, and my thoughts are a little scattered. So I will, and it will be about what’s happening in my life, some reflection on books I’m reading, and a few photos.

What is happening

There are only snapshots of my life where I have not been in school. A few years in the beginning, mostly before I have any memories. Then a couple years after high school. And then the year we moved to Phoenix. The last two and half years have been towards a master’s in counseling. So the fact that I have finished all 18 of the courses feels like a really big accomplishment! I still have a ten month internship to do, but it feels like I am finally getting to work on what I’ve been studying for so long. I have joined the staff of Phoenix Counseling Collective and will begin seeing clients as a therapist in the next few weeks. I am so excited!

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Ava Li

Avi Li turned one this month, and we had a very sweet celebration for her. Mom and Dad flew out from SC, and a lot of our good friends came as well. Being a dad to her and a parent with Aleisha is so fun, and hard, and fun. Ava loves to read her books, she loves all animals, she loves to watch for birds, run through the sprinkler, tease Ted (our dog), throw things in the trash, and try any drink she sees. She has four teeth trying to gouge their way through and hair that’s falling into her dark eyes. She is absolutely the cutest little girl I have ever seen.

Aleisha is still working two part time jobs. I am inspired and kind of shocked watching her teach Ava how to be a little person. She includes Ava in almost everything she does. Weekly, Ava learns some new thing that Aleisha taught her. The latest is how to close her eyes, which she will only do for three quarters of a second because she always wants to see what’s going on. I did teach her how to say “ahhhhhhh” after taking a drink – which is pretty cool too.

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Friends and Greenhouse

We’ve lived in Phoenix now for about three and half years. One of the best parts of it has been making friends. We have a group of friends that feels a little like the show “Friends.” Last night, they were at our place for a birthday party – in the morning, we went to watch college football at the Peach’s, saw Abbi working her booth at the farmer’s market, and then ate dinner at the Garasha’s because our power went out. We have also started hosting Greenhouse again how that school is back in session – this is the coffee shop in our home. This is a great way for us to meet new people who like to just hang out talk about their life.

Someone asked me recently if we are able to use Greenhouse as a vehicle for getting to spiritual conversations – as an avenue to get to talk about God things. I’ve thought about that for a while, and I think, joyfully, the answer is no. For much of my life, I’ve heard that the fun stuff is just a sort of funnel to get people in so that you can artfully lay “the gospel” on them. I don’t see this as a vehicle or a segue to something spiritual and sacred – it is in fact that thing. This is a table. This is a cup of cold water (and milk and syrup and espresso). This is to taste, to see, to touch. It is a communion. It is a liturgy. Certainly not everyone who comes sees it that way, and they are just as extremely welcome as anyone else. To me that’s really fun – I’m so grateful to get to be a part of this.

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Two Books I’m Reading

I have been reading two books:

“Memories, Dreams, Reflections” – Carl Jung

Jung is very interesting, insightful, odd, and spiritual. I found it strange to read of his intense inner reflection, which seemed to consume most of his time, of his building a castle for himself, of his romping around Africa and India for months on end, etc. And all this while he had a wife and several children. A quick internet search one night confirmed my inclination; he was a terrible father and maybe an even worse husband. It seems he very much neglected the emotional lives of his family while hyperfixating on the abstract and fantastical nature of his own. Certainly he discovered some wonderful insights, but his key motif of integration seems totally missing in perhaps the most obvious and fundamental arena of his life – his own family! So I now have a much less romanticized view of him.

It does seem to me after having read a couple books on Freud that Jung is the patriarch of the therapeutic tradition(s) which I’m the most interested in. He took seriously the fragmented (parts) nature of the psyche which would be expressed more concretely in later models, such as Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems. He also rejected some of the stranger aspects of Freud which I view as a helpful correction – while also not taking the view of the behaviorists. Jung views the spiritual aspect of the person as primary and integral which I find helpful.

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“A Change of Heart” – Thomas Oden

I picked up A Change of Heart at the advice of a newsletter (maybe it was Michael Byrd?). He is a theological intellectual whose change of heart is centered around his early liberal fanaticism and activism and then his turn towards the patristics and classical Christianity, especially the early church fathers in Africa (especially Augustine and Athanasius). I thought reading this might be helpful in light of my own experience of having swung pretty far to the left of my upbringing and early church experience. While I have enjoyed the book, I have also been disappointed for a few reasons.

First, I find him more charming before his “change of heart.” Even when he describes it from the vantage point of the changed man in late years, he sounds more amiable and interesting while a flaming socialist than after. It could also be that his change coincides with his rising into the elite of academia (when he, like Jung, gets to go romping around the world meeting with anyone and at any place he fancies). He writes of himself after the change as an outcast among liberal feminist faculty at a very progressive seminary. While his documentation of the ideological shifts are helpful and interesting, it just doesn’t strike me quite right how he narrates his role and interactions. I have also picked up a book he wrote before the change of heart called Kergyma and Counseling which is his attempt to reconcile the keyrgmatic theology of Karl Barth (which emphasizes the unchangeable truth of the message over against the changing demands of the situation) with the humanistic, person centered psychology of Carl Rodgers (which emphasizes the ability of the person to heal when they receive empathy and connect with their own inner resources). I’m only about 40 pages in, but it is fascinating so far.

Second, like Jung, his work is so hyperfocused on his work! The death of Oden’s wife, his life-long companion, is recorded in about a page and a half with other brief mentions of what a great mother she was and how she was moving with him to his newest faculty appointment. His children receive brief mentions as well but usually in the context of their education or achievements. Altogether, the work is mostly void of any relational or emotional reflection between him and those physically closest. Still he writes at great length about his kinship with literally scores (maybe hundreds) of intellectuals – one of which includes communion with the pope! (Oddly, he refused to actually take the communion, which I find extremely strange for someone who describes themself over and over as “ecumenical”).

So then both these men, Jung and Oden, who rose to the pinnacle of intellectual achievement, seem to leave totally absent from their autobiographical accounts their own families. They seem totally unable to reckon with their own emotional lives with regard to their families. In my view, this is essential, and the absence signals a real shallowness which exists alongside a great depth. Perhaps a compensation.

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