I’m not sure where I got the idea that therapy was magical. I had never really seen a therapist before. If I had, I’d probably have given up that idea. As I went to school to become a therapist, the shine of that notion sort of began to wear off. But probably nothing wears it off quite like being the therapist and realizing there is nothing really magical about yourself.
Lately, I’ve felt another way of thinking about therapy and the sessions I get to have with clients coming up. It is that therapy is not a magical thing – it is the right thing(s). And I think what this means is that I have no special powers as a therapist. I’m a very regular guy who sits across from people and asks them questions and makes notes about the things they say and do.
Therapeutic interventions (the stuff happening in a therapy session) can be “right” if the client is met where they are and makes a space for them to get what they need. And what they need is often very regular stuff that regular people need. We need to be listened to. We need emotional safety. We need understanding. We need care. We need challenge. We need to connect with others. We need somebody to be present with us. We need to play. We need to rest. We need to work. These are all things which can be accomplished outside of therapy. And when life is going well, most times they are accomplished.
People don’t typically come see therapists because life is going super well. And when they do, what they need is not some dose of magic which only someone wearing a sweater and crossing their legs can sprinkle on them. They usually feel stuck, or overwhelmed, or confused. They usually don’t really know what they need. So then good therapy will be about being together and working to find out what it is they do need and figuring out how they could get it or move toward it. Sometimes it will seem magical. No kidding. Getting what you’ve needed and have been doing without can be a really really wonderful experience. Sometimes clients leave the room and there is almost a glow left behind. Wow, that was really something.
Those experiences are really fun to be there for. But other days, like today, it’s a lot of slow and regular-feeling work together. Some coloring pages. Some listening. Some questions. Some things on the whiteboard. Some laughs. Some Uno. Some tense moments. Working toward the right things, hoping for the right things.
javen.bear. 