I haven’t been a therapist for very long. In fact, I’m still in my internship. And this was written while my kiddo watched Bluey beside me. So there are your disclaimers.

I had a thought recently: on a meta level therapy might be both more and less necessary than ever – depending on what is meant by “therapy.”

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An Anxious Culture

In one sense, we could say that therapy is more necessary than ever due to the massive anxiety of the culture. Everyone is anxious; everyone is distracted. And not just young people. The 24/7 access of parents, adults, and most kids to social media and the digital entertainment (think YouTube, Instagram reels, and Facebook) means that at the slightest twinge of boredom, anxiety, loneliness, or any other discomfort, we’ve all got a quick fix. And it’s really no “fix” at all, just another hit of numbing pleasure. In this way, we are wiring our brains for escape, always ready to get away from discomfort.

This is affecting pretty much every aspect of life for many/most people. Kids and adults are having a hard time sleeping and relaxing, and the sources of our constant anxiety are rarely addressed. Our quick fix habits, like doom-scrolling, eating, and watching are formed and solidified, and they don’t lead to wellbeing. So in this sense, as participants in this sort of culture, we are anxious and depressed. We struggle with interpersonal interactions and are not inclined to try new hobbies or other activities which would connect us to other people. A therapist can be a really helpful resource.

The Therapist as Educator

In another sense, the language of therapy has saturated the culture. In these short videos and social media posts we’re watching for hours each day, therapy-speak is commonplace. Whereas 20 years ago the average person coming into the therapy room probably hadn’t every heard much about “boundaries” or “trauma” or being “overstimulated,” many of the clients coming in now use all these words as they are a part of the language of social media. Since these concepts are no longer contained only in classrooms and counseling offices, one might say the insights of psychotherapy have made it into the popular culture. And therefore therapy is less necessary. If the goal of the therapist to teach clients concepts, called “psychoeducation,” then maybe this is true. But I don’t think so.

While the therapy-speak saturates the popular culture, this doesn’t mean too much in the way of people being healthier. Kind of like how I know the words “keto” and “probiotic,” but I am not changed because of it. Even if social media types use the clinical-speak accurately, which is not always the case, this doesn’t mean it’s doing any good. A great example from pop culture is The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I’m a bit ashamed to say I know this from watching. The folks in this show toss around therapy-speak constantly. And it comes off with an air of having insight and understanding. Yet is is painfully clear that no matter how many times these wives and husbands say “triggered” or “projecting” or “self care,” their insecurity and dysfunction is significant enough to fill two seasons of TV (with another on the way?). It seems very unlikely that knowing more about clinical terminology would be helpful here.

Speaking on a cultural level, if the average person knows the therapy words already, then what sort of work with a therapist might be helpful? What sort of work could be done with those who know all the fancy words and still have all the usual problems plaguing our modern lives?

Therapy as Presence

Very simply put, I think what is needed is often presence, sustained attention to our pain and confusion – that is, someone to be present with us in a new way.

One of the hallmarks of our time is the ability to escape. If we don’t like a church or a food or a video or a friend, we are often able to go elsewhere, swipe up to the next video, or swipe left to the next person. We carry access to laughs, info, pleasure, food, communication on our person all day, morning to night. Our phones are always there. I think we’ve been conditioned to run away. Therapy can be a place where someone invites us to stick with the pain, stick with the confusion, stay with a memory. And more than lengthening our attention span, it is a place where someone is committed to sticking be present with us while we pay attention.

One of my favorite quotes is from Gabor Maté who says (paraphrasing here) “Children don’t get traumatized because they get hurt. They get traumatized because they are alone with the hurt.” That seems true to me, and not just for children. The therapy room can be much more than a place to learn new words, it can (and should) be a place where another human being sits with you in your pain. And in this way, perhaps we need therapy more than ever. We seem to be more without people to sit with us in our pain than ever before. We are often scared of each others’ pain, and scared of our own pain. I sure am.

Therapy can be a place where the trauma of having been left alone with hurt is transformed though someone else paying careful, compassionate attention. Ryan Kuja says “When love touches a wound, the lead of pain alchemizes into the gold of wisdom…When love touches a wound, an ancient ache is slowly digested.” Therapy can be many things: education, presence, routine, questions, answers, confrontation, insight, and more. Certainly though, good therapy is about presence.

So then: does this culture and this moment call for more or less therapy? I’d say we need more attention, awareness, and presence, to our pain, our internal world, our soul. These often come to us through trusted friends, pastors, family members, or time spent in nature. And sometimes, it comes through a person trained specifically for this work and these questions – through the therapy hour and the careful presence of a therapist.

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*cover image from: https://www.taubmanmuseum.org/event/community-conversation-trauma-healing-and-art-postponed-to-february-4-2024

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Here is a bit of humor – it is satire.

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|| In a long lost manuscript, another version of the gospel of Matthew is recounted. This newly found document contains many important details the other ones leave out. ||

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Jesus takes his place and begins to give the Sermon on the Mount. Huge crowds are gathered around him. He begins to speak. As this is his first major public appearance, there is a scribe holding up large cue cards for him while he preaches.

Jesus: “Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven! Uh, let’s see. Uh, yeah. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted…unless…uh, ok then. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.”

Jesus signals for the scribe to flip the cue card over – he looks unhappy. Instead the scribe moves on to the next card.

Jesus: “Heh heh, alright then. I guess blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled… (pause)…hmmm ok yeah. Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy.”

Jesus finishes his sermon and quickly darts through the throngs of people and out of sight.

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The disciples are gathered in the upper room of a house in Capernaum. They are murmuring. There is a sound of someone running up the stairs. Jesus comes storming in, mad as hell.

Jesus: “What in God’s holy name was that?!”

Phillip: “Lord, I can explain.”

Jesus: “You had one job today, Phillip. ONE JOB!”

Phillip: “Lord, on the way here I was in a hurry. Running through the market, I tripped on a pothole and fell, totally wiped out – these Roman roads! Your slides, my Lord. They uh, well they went everywhere, landed face up though! They only got wet on the back side. The crowds at the mountain were terrible, and I couldn’t get to you in time to tell you.

Jesus (still fuming): “So you had the scribe hold up half the slides?!”

Phillip: (exasperated): “I didn’t know what else to do!”

Jesus: “You left out all the caveats! This is my first big sermon, so I don’t have it all memorized yet. Oh, the Father is going to be pissed!”

Peter (nodding slowly): “Ahhhhh, so this explains it then. The whole thing didn’t sound at all like our run through yesterday. It was totally lacking in the nuances and loopholes.”

John: (places a hand on Jesus’ shoulder): “Lord, I know you’re angry. Perhaps you could try to remember the second parts, and then we can work to correct the errors with the crowds tomorrow.”

Jesus stomps over to the middle of the room to give the sermon again, glaring at Phillip from time to time.

Jesus: “Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Unless of course they use government welfare, then curse them and cut them off.”

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Unless they are crying about being deported, then sorry, there is nothing we can do about it.”

“Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth. Unless your party can grab power, then just dominate the earth and take what you want.”

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. This one only applies if times are good. If times are not so good, vote for whoever makes your life easier.”

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Unless it starts costing your country, then just double down on law and order. I want my followers to be comfortable, fat, and happy!”

Jesus’ voice takes on a calmer cadence, and he begins to smile while he speaks.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Yet, don’t hesitate to support extremely sinful politicians, you gotta do what you gotta do here.”

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. This only applies up to the point when it starts to hurt economically. At that point, just make deals and drop bombs as needed.”

“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs in the kingdom of heaven. But don’t hesitate to put your country and allies first and call ‘righteous’ whatever it takes to stay number one!”

Jesus finishes the sermon, takes a bow, and returns to his seat. The disciples all applaud excitedly.

Matthew: “My Lord, during the live sermon, I was transcribing for your book release. This will totally change the meaning – I didn’t get any of the caveats added in. But that was my last parchment…”

Jesus: “You know what, Matthew – don’t even worry about it.”

Matthew: “Umm, are you sure about that? My Lord, this is a very very different message. People could really get the wrong idea about this whole movement.”

Jesus: “Yeah, we’ll take care of it. Once I’m done with the speaking tour, we’ll send someone to come through and clear things up a bit – smooth it out over time and guide the people into all truth.”

Mark: “Ah, you mean the comforter, Lord? The Spirit?”

Jesus: “No sir. I’ll send them politicians. A long line of them. They’ll figure out the caveats. A whole big, beautiful line of them. Boys, let’s get some drinks in here. I’ve had a very long night.”

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In 1970, Merle Haggard released a song called “The Fightin’ Side of Me.” It had been 10 years since he’d been released from San Quentin Prison where he’d been an inmate when Johnny Cash played his famous concert. Haggard’s life had taken a turn since being released from prison, and in 1972 he received a presidential pardon from Republican president Ronald Reagan. Angered by seeing hippies and anti-Vietnam War protests, Merle Haggard pens a very patriotic song which will become a huge hit called Fightin’ Side of Me. In it, he warns those who criticize his country and the way it’s run that they’re making him mad enough to fight them. Here’s a bit of it:

When they’re runnin’ down my country, man
They’re walkin’ on the fightin’ side of me
Yeah, walkin’ on the fightin’ side of me
Runnin’ down a way of life our fightin’ men have fought and died to keep
If you don’t love it, leave it
Let this song I’m singin’ be a warnin’
When you’re runnin’ down my country, man
You’re walkin’ on the fightin’ side of me

The message of the song is straightforward. Stop criticizing the U.S.A.’s decisions and the wars it fights. When you “talk down” on the country and the things it does, you anger me to the point of fighting you. You can here in his voice and see on his face in the 1970s video the deep pride he takes in being an American and how upset he is when people criticize his country.

In March of 1973, Merle Haggard heads to the White House to play a special concert for president Richard Nixon to celebrate the first lady’s birthday. As he comes on stage, an American flag raises dramatically behind the band. The second song of the set is “Fightin’ Side of Me.” There in front on the president and a large crowd, he sings about how much it riles him up to hear anyone talk bad about the country and things its leadership does. Nixon applauds with the rest of the audience.

In between songs Haggard says, “I don’t know what to say except that this will probably be the greatest evening of my life.” He shares a short poem written to the first lady – later Nixon comes up on stage and tells a beaming Haggard how much he loved the show.

Just a few months later, In October of 1973, president Nixon’s impeachment will begin as it comes to light that he’s done some very illegal things and has been unsuccessful in covering them up. By August the next year he resigns from the presidency rather than be removed after the Watergate scandal has been uncovered and its clear he will not be able to remain in office. One can only imagine how disappointing it must have been for Haggard. Here’s a man who would just as soon fight you as listen to you criticize America and its leaders. He goes from having the night of his life playing for president Nixon to realizing he, like the rest of America, was being lied to.

Some years later in 1981 Merle Haggard releases another hit song called “Are the Good Times Really Over.” Here he’s lamenting the “good times” being on the way out and the snowball headed for hell times coming in. He writes,

I wish coke was still cola
And a joint was a bad place to be
And it was back before Nixon lied to us
All on TV
Before microwave ovens
When a girl could still cook
And still would
Is the best of the free life behind us now?
And are the good times really over for good?

Haggard laments that Nixon was not the man he said he was, that he “lied to us all on TV.” The protests against Nixon and the war which had ignited Merle Haggard’s rage are no longer the focus of his discomfort. He’s actually agreeing with them – Nixon wasn’t a great leader. He lied to us all.

Fast forward some more years, Haggard will continue to develop his own views. In 2003, he’ll describe himself during the 1970s when he’s writing songs like “Fightin’ Side of Me” and “Okie From Muskogee” saying “As a human being, I’ve learned [more]…I was dumb as a rock.” He would state explicitly that his views about those hippies had changed, saying:

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I actually hadn’t heard “Fightin’ Side of Me” until a few days ago. I had posted on social media two questions related to the longstanding U.S. support of Israel through defense spending and policy decisions, even as Israel engages in perpetrating a genocide in Gaza.

Now here if you’re feeling angry or upset as I say Israel is committing genocide, this would be a really good time for you to take that accusation seriously and look into what is going on. You could start here with a fairly conservative Christian with a PhD doing interviews: interview 1, interview 2.

The two questions I asked in the social media post were: “Are we still proud to be Americans? Do we even have any idea what ‘we’ do”? In a response, someone posted the Merle Haggard song and let me know I had gotten onto their fightin’ side. It makes me think back to the evolution of Haggard, how he was able to move from the stance of being triggered by anyone who dared question the authority and decision of the US government (a very rigid and very blind position) to a stance of realizing that the country he loved had some really deep flaws which needed to be called out.

Friends, there is plenty to be anxious about in these times. Currently, I encourage you to look seriously at the way the USA is financially backing a genocide against Palestinians. Like Merle Haggard, we are being lied to on TV. Lied to by our current president and many who’ve come before him from both parties. Israel is working to cleanse a people group, and they’re doing it with US money. They’ve already killed more than 50,000 civilian people, at least 15,000 of those are children (they’ve injured another 100,000). They are purposefully bombing schools, hospitals, and refuge tents. Many Christians support this slaughter – even as our Christian brothers and sisters in Palestine are the ones being killed and displaced in God’s name for what is supposed to be God’s will.

It is Christians being bombed and driven out of their homes in the name of God. This morning was Palm Sunday – Israel bombed a hospital run by Christians and killed a little girl. Any god who needs his children to slaughter each other with bombs to accomplish his will is one confusing son of a gun. And if hearing that makes you mad, gets on your fightin’ side, I’d encourage you to consider the example of Merle Haggard. When our grandchildren study history, they’ll learn about the US’s senseless killing in Vietnam which the hippies of Haggard’s day were protesting. And they’ll learn about the senseless killing in Palestine that the US funded and Christians largely stayed quiet about.

Will we have the moral courage of Merle Haggard to admit we have been dumb as a rock in our blindness? Or will we keep quiet and keep blasting patriotic tunes to drown out the violence our taxes pay for?

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I recently wrote an article which I then took down, and I issued an apology. I want to be really clear why that was: I had worked to guess at the emotional experience of those really like Donald Trump. My sensemaking did not land with some folks, and they felt very upset. So in this piece I take a different track – I will not be guessing.

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I have personally reached a point where I’m not too thrilled to use the term “Christian” to describe myself. I think that for me, for at least a while, I will use “follower of the way of Jesus.” The term “Christian” originally meant little Christ. Over the years it has been co-opted and used to mean many different things. I’m thinking here of the Roman emperor Constantine becoming Christian and painting crosses on the Roman army’s war equipment. I’m thinking of the Christians who gleefully supported Hitler’s political rise and the movement of Nazism. I’m thinking of the white supremacists who wore white hooded masks on the weekends and a black suit to church on Sunday. Saying “Christian” has meant a lot of different things.

In our current American context, the president claims to be Christian. He says he was “saved by God to make America great again,” and it’s a fact that without Evangelical Christian support, he would not have risen to power. If you had told Christians ten years ago they’d be over the moon for a billionaire convicted felon who brags about how big his penis is, who was impeached twice, and who incited a riot against the Capitol, they may have scoffed. But here we are, and here they are. Trump bragged that he could stand in the middle of 5th avenue and shoot somebody and they wouldn’t abandon him. He was not wrong. There’s a line in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar where Casca says of the crowds who adored Caesar, “If [he] had stabbed (had sex with) their mothers, they would have done no less [against him].” Shakespeare may as well have been talking about Trump who has bragged that he did “try and fuck” (his words) a married woman and also about grabbing women by their genitals. There seems to be no place that Christians will not follow Donald Trump. There is no bridge too far.

If pressed, those who like him tell me well we don’t like the man or what he says – we just like what he does. They like the way of Trump and what it can get them, how great it can make their country, even if it sounds a little crude. They like how it affects change in the nation, and they see their own lives and churches as separate somehow. I am here to argue that the way of Trump and the way of Jesus are incompatible for those who take Jesus seriously. And further, that if you think they are compatible, you are a superhero!

So here a quick note: why Javen, why do you need to write this? Why can’t you just pray in your closet and let people be how they want to be? A few reasons. One: Once Trump is gone and history details how he locked arms with his Christian base to rise to power and inflict the way of Trump on the world, I want my kids and my grandkids (and your kids and your grandkids) to know that I may not have done much, but I didn’t buy into it. Two: I want others who want to choose the way of Jesus over the way of Trump to know they aren’t alone. I am one of the only people I know who writes publicly on a regular basis, and folks often tell me they feel very alone and very sequestered in their churches and communities. They just don’t want to get badmouthed over the Sunday dinner table (neither do I by the way). Three: I have non-Christian friends, and I want them to hear me clearly that this is not what Jesus is about. And if I invite you to church, it is a different way that we aspire to.

I have grown really tired of Christians trying to blend Trump’s promise of America first- crush our enemies – deport the stranger – rise in power with Jesus’ teaching of others first – love our enemies – welcome the stranger – come die with me. In this way, I am a small bit thankful for Donald Trump. For many years, I think it was somewhat easy for many Christians to be aligned politically with a party and claim the way of Jesus. Trump has helped illuminate what a contradiction there is at the heart of this. Trump’s way and the was of Jesus are about as opposite as it gets.

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[the poor] The way of Jesus says: Blessed are you who are poor. The way of Trump says the poor are a “parasite class.”

[foreigners] The way of Jesus says: God loves the foreigner residing among you, and you are to love those who are foreigners. The way of Trump says the sounds of people being chained and separated from their families is ASMR (it gives a pleasurable, tingling sensation when heard).

[strangers] The way of Jesus says: Whatever you do for the stranger you have done it unto me. The way of Trump says you are justified in turning the undocumented stranger away and having them arrested in your church.

[opponents] The way of Jesus says: If someone takes your coat, also give them your shirt. The way of Trump says, whatever they do to us we’re doing it back to them to make them pay.

[enemies] The way of Jesus says: love your enemies and do good to those who curse you. The way of Trump says, anyone who worked against us in the first term, we’re coming after with a vengeance this time.

[greatness] The way of Jesus says: whoever among you is the least will be the greatest, and you must become like a servant. The way of Trump says, I am the greatest and the best, and I deserve everything.

[truth telling] The way of Jesus says: tell the truth, do not bear false witness. The way of Trump says litigate and lie as much as needed because they deserve it.

[others] The way of Jesus says, love your neighbor as yourself, and consider others better than yourself. The way of Trump says protect yourself, your party, and your country at all costs.

[purity] The way of Jesus says, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off, and blessed are the pure in heart. The way of Trump says “I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything…Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.” (that is a direct quote).

[peacemakers] The way of Jesus says, blessed are the peacemakers. The way of Trump says “if you don’t fight like hell you’re not going to have a country anymore.”

And so I will argue that if you are able to hold the way of Jesus in one hand, and hold the way of Trump in your other hand, you are a superhero. You are Elastagirl whose power is extreme flexibility. Even as these two things are brutally far apart and contradict one another at every single point, you are still gripping onto them both. Your two hands are remarkably far apart as you ultimately say you want the way of Jesus, and you use the way of Trump as a means of getting there.

When Jesus gave the command to give unto Caesar (the government) what is Caesar’s, I don’t think he was talking about your moral decision making ability and what you think is right or wrong. Christians have been going to the mat for Donald Trump for ten years now. Since I have been old enough to vote, Christians have been defending him and making excuses for him no matter what he does and says. He may as well shoot someone on 5th avenue, I am confident he will have the support of Christians come hell or high water. And this is why I’m willing to give up the term, at least for a few years. Am I a Christian? I don’t know. I certainly don’t have the superpower I see around me. I want to be a follower of the way of Jesus.

As a young man, I stood in a really cold river and was taken underwater in my baptism with my church community standing on the banks. I was not signing up for what “Christian” seems to now mean. I was taught that the ends do not justify the means. You do not get to the things of Jesus without the way of Jesus. The way of Jesus I was taught actually involves the commands and teachings of Jesus – hard as they are. I did not sign up for Christianity molded in the way of a politician who seeks to make himself and America great again (again). I did not sign up for biting my tongue when politicians embed their way of doing things into Christian hearts and mouths. I did not anticipate a situation in which the Christians around me would be willing to wordlessly go along with anything their preferred politician decided to do or say.

To close a piece of writing which a few may find compelling, and which some will find very upsetting as it takes aim at their political hero, please hear me say this: If you do not claim to follow the way of Jesus, I have understanding for why you would endorse the way of Trump. Trump’s way is much more financially beneficial. Trump’s way is much better in terms of boarder security and American greatness. It makes a lot of economic sense to many people. The way of Jesus is not good public policy. It is not good for national security. It is not good if you want wealth and military might and to avoid death. The way of Jesus, inasmuch as it follows the footsteps of Jesus, leads to suffering and humiliation and becoming less in this life. I understand why that is not appealing. The way of Jesus is a terribly unpopular way of doing things that will not ever make America great.

If you do claim to follow the way of Jesus, and you have figured a way to support the way of Trump, I find that very perplexing. For me, supporting both of these ways, Trump’s and Jesus’, would require superpowers. And I’m just a regular guy who really wants to be caught up in the way of Jesus.

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I recently published an article titled “Orange Man and the Juice.” Some of you may have read it here or maybe got an email in your inbox and read it there. Or maybe I decided to take it down before you even seen it.

A thoughtful reader reached out to me a few hours after I posted it, and they had a lot to say. Through a conversation, they made it clear that what I wrote seemed “backhanded” and condescending. They did not feel that I was being fair or charitable in what I had written. They said I was attacking and stirring dissention and hate. I appreciated the feedback, hard as it was to hear.

It’s probably fair to assume others read it and felt similarly. This is not what I had hoped for, and I’m disappointed that I caused this to happen. I am sorry I was uncharitable, and I regret that failed to achieve my intended purpose for writing it. I want to be someone who is willing to not only think out loud but to do so in a way that is respectful and invites the reader in. It seems like what I wrote felt disrespectful and pushed the reader away. I am sorry for that.

I have some big concerns around the church and church folks locking arms with Trump. I feel confused why there aren’t local voices speaking out – the silence is deafening. So I am not aiming to make those who have hidden Trump in their hearts feel warm and fuzzy – I am aiming for some conviction where there is political idolatry. It doesn’t seem like I achieved that though. It seems like my work in that post didn’t serve anyone (or very few), and it didn’t convey what I hoped it would. So again, if you read it and felt I was being insulting or condescending, please hear me say I apologize.

Peace.

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Two Memories

I’m fascinated by black light. When you turn off the everyday overhead light sources and turn on an ultraviolet, you see things you had know idea were there.

In my senior year of college, I was recording a weekly podcast with my best friend. I was taking a theology class called Critical Issues, and it covered three debated topics: the historical Adam, women in ministry, and homosexuality in the church. Since our podcast content was basically whatever we were paying attention to that week, we began discussing homosexuality in the church, and I began writing about it as we went. Our listenership was rather small. Occasionally, we’d boost engagement with a giveaway or a friend would comment they’d found an episode interesting. When we began discussing issues of sexuality, that changed rather quickly. People listened, many with deep concern.

The memory I have is this: I’m standing in my basement apartment and sending my parents a text before going to church on Sunday morning. I’m telling them that despite the horrific blowback we were getting – being called a heretic and a threat to the church, being sat down at a diner and begged to steer away from this issue – I was basically a good kid. Maybe a bit of a disgrace to them among the church folk, but still a Christian, still trying my best out here. Looking back, it’s a bit perplexing: the conversations we were having on the podcast were simply working to explain different views – we hadn’t even taken a position. It was still too much apparently. The span of those four episodes were one of the most anxiety ridden times of my life to that point. People got really worked up. I got really scared. I remember phoning a friend in Phoenix and telling him how disheartening it all was.

Memory number two: I’m sitting on a plane which will soon be in the air to Ohio. It’s January 2021, about a week after Trump lost the election and his supporters broke into the capitol in D.C. I have spent many hours over the course of several days working on a piece called “Three Lies We Believed” which outlines some ways Evangelicals had been deceived by Donald Trump. Fairly cognizant that this piece would generate some backlash but confident it was important to write anyway, I hit “publish” and vow not to check Facebook or anything else until our trip is over.

Like our podcast episodes, my writing generally floats into the void without much fanfare. A typical piece such as this one will be clicked on between 20 and 200 times. On our layover during the return trip I check in – readership is looking quite different. Within a few days, it’s been viewed over 1,200 times (more than 1,800 now). Strangers reach out to me. I’m lambasted by Facebook warriors from my church and local community coming to defend Trump as well as encouraged by others who appreciated the piece. Fearing the backlash, a friend who helped me write the piece chooses to keep their name off it.

Black Light

My current work is counseling. A prevalent fear for those of us who are beginning as therapists is what if I say the wrong thing in a session? What if I miss something really important? To this, seasoned therapists reply, don’t worry about it – if it’s really important, it will come back up with the client soon enough.

I’ve been writing on this site about many different things in the form of 196 posts for more than 8 years. For me, this has functioned as a sort of black light which I’ve shined over topics as varied as communication, theology, politics, gender and sexuality, addiction, the death penalty, therapy, brain science, the church, giving to the poor, work, and more. And this “black light” has revealed a certain invisible energy living inside of some of these things, an energy that keeps coming up. The hottest issues are sexuality and politics. But that’s no great revelation – a Thanksgiving get-together could have told you that! But why? Why would someone take the time to sit me down and beg me to stop writing and talking about sexuality and politics? Why would more than a thousand people read something I wrote about Trump?

Identity (who are we?)

I contend that both issues, sexuality/gender and politics, are largely about identity. If identity is at the core of these issues, then it makes sense why people get so fierce so fast when they come up. You’re not just talking about Biden or Trump or Kamala – you’re not just talking about being gay or straight or bi. No. You’re tapping into some of the deepest, most sensitive parts of those listening. You’re probing around in emotionally charged issues and likely triggering a lot of energy around wounds and confusion carried from the past.

In Evangelical spaces, the boundary line drawn to determine who is “in” and who is “outside” is usually extremely important. When churches split, sometimes over seemingly ridiculous disagreements, they’re working out what it means to be “in” – who will we accept and defend as our own, and who is “other.” The power of this is in the benefits and protection you get from being “in,” and there’s a certain purity necessary to achieve this. I think this is confusing for folks who’ve never been inside these circles. They say things like why do you have to hate gay people so much – can’t you just accept their existence even though you disagree? For so many, to do that would violate the purity of the group. It would alter the identity and shake them to their core. So it’s much better to never even have a serious conversation about the issues. This was well summarized by a member of a small group I attended who said with a smile: if they don’t like how we do things, they can just head on down the road.

Who Is God?

When we did the podcast episodes, we explored some of the various ways of reading key biblical texts on homosexuality. Turns out there are several ways of reading them. But to acknowledge that (that each passage can be read to mean different things) is a terrifying reality for many. There is a deep comfort in the concrete certainty that the way your denomination/group reads the Bible is the singularly correct way. I think it must be really scary for those convinced of this to consider there are actually many way to read most passages, and that scripture isn’t crystal clear, nor was it meant to be.

If you entertain the idea that there may be different ways to read a passage of scripture, you open yourself to a version of reality in which God might have to be ok with folks coming to different conclusions in good faith. If you are 100% convinced God is in the business of damning to hell those who don’t read the Bible the way you do, then it becomes pretty confounding when you hear about four, count them four, ways of reading a single passage. I mean shoot, how could you even be sure you’re not the one being damned to hell? The odds are now more like 25%.

And ultimately, what you may be forced to consider is a God who isn’t quite as hell-bent on damning. I think for a whole lot of folks, there is a certain comfort taken in knowing that those outside the camp will burn for eternity, punished in all the ways imaginable. If you are used to a church and society which is governed by clear rules to keep the right people in and the wrong people out, it’s very disorienting to consider a supreme being who doesn’t operate the same way. And maybe if you are “pastored” (or parented) in this punitive way, where you do what I say or you get disciplined, it will be very hard to imagine that God could be different.

Underneath

I don’t suppose that most people who are clickety-clacking on their Facebook keyboards or boiling in silent rage at Thanksgiving are very conscious of the above mentioned dynamics. They probably are not saying to themselves well, if I begin to consider this perspective, my view of my own identity and concept of God may become fuzzier. No. But this probably is what’s happening unconsciously. There is a realization, at some level, that this is freaking dangerous – and I if were to accept any part of this, it would shake me to the core. I would no longer be able to make sense of the world in the same way. My categories for who is “us” and who is “them” wouldn’t work anymore. And possibly, I would no longer be “in.” And maybe even God would hate me.

So I want to try to keep this all in mind when I’m talking or writing about such topics as sexuality and politics. I am in fact asking people to confront with me the fundamental pieces of their identity. And I’m possibly even asking them to re-evaluate their concept of God. These are not easy things to do – though I believe they are some of the most crucial, worthwhile and God-loving things we may take part in.

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