the reason i write

I’ve written 85 WordPress blog posts over the course of about three years. And I’m finally starting to understand the point of it.

In class, we’ve been discussing different approaches to communication as laid out by a guy named John Peters, a longtime professor at the University of Iowa. He describes communication as happening from one of two frameworks: dialogue or dissemination.

Dialogue is what Socrates did. It’s very back and forth, but it demands a return. If I speak, I want to make sure that you get it. I want to make sure there’s a return for my investment in the conversation. Ideally, at the end, you’ll believe the same way that I believe. It’s like the parable of the workers in the vineyard who wanted everyone to be payed only for the amount they’d done. Successful communication happens when you respond favorably to what I tell you.

Dissemination is what Jesus did (especially when teaching the crowds). It’s not back and forth, and it doesn’t demand anything from the audience. When I speak, I am speaking as truthfully as I know how, but it’s not important that you get it. I am not trying to manipulate you into believing the same way I do. I don’t depend on your approval or your applause. I care deeply about you as a person, but not so much about what you think of my speech. I speak not because I have an answer to give you, but because I seek an answer. Successful communication happens when I speak in pursuit of the truth.

When I stared writing on WordPress, I did so mainly as a place to put pictures. Images are safe, people don’t look down at you for pictures (as much). And then I started moving toward more word based posts. And words are not as safe. Words are charged with opinions, beliefs, eloquence (or not so much), and style. It was intimidating. I was always asking myself, “Why are you writing? You don’t really have much to say..”

Lately, my perspective has shifted concerning why I write. And for that matter why I host a podcast or just speak to people in general. It is NOT first and foremost because I have something to say, not because I have knowledge that you need to have, not because you need to believe like I do. I write to articulate my own journey toward the truth. I write as an act of seeking, speak as an act of searching. My communication is my path towards truth.

And I think this is why it’s valuable to read blog posts, to listen to people tell you their story, to have breakfast face to face. It gives us a chance to flesh out our own stories, to articulate our steps forward. I first started to realize this when I began meeting with my mentor. We would have breakfast every other Thursday in the same restaurant booth. And he really never gave me that much advice – but he listened so well. He gave me a space to lay out my situation before another person and make the best sense of it I could. I always walked away feeling so refreshed.

Earlier tonight, I talked for about an hour with an old friend in a dark parking lot. And a few minutes ago I read a rather un-insightful blog post. I think that both were potentially worthwhile acts of communication. From the context of dissemination, communication is done as a pursuit of truth. And if people are blessed along the way, then it’s an even greater thing. The professor teaching the class I referenced says that he’s taught this material many many times, and the year he teaches it without learning anything will be the year he finds something else to do with his life. He teaches as an articulation of his own pursuit of truth.

We ought to listen to each other. And, 86 blog posts later, I thank you for affording me that kindness.

the squid and the whale

I’m the type who will spend forty-five minutes laboring over the choice of what movie to watch. And then usually the choice is between films that you have to really work to appreciate.

stairs

Tonight, I found myself feeling like watching something. And forty-five minutes, later I found myself on the porch having finally chosen The Squid and the Whale, a movie from 2005 about a family struggling to make sense of themselves in the aftermath of a failed marriage. I found the whole thing absolutely wonderful.

The thing I’ll remember from The Squid and the Whale is that being intellectual just for the sake of being intellectual is about the dumbest waste of time. In the story, both parents are writers with PhDs is literature. And the father (Jeff Daniels) is a complete snob about it. He scoffs at people who are “not an intellectual,” and he crowns himself the authority on all matters, literary and otherwise. He wallows in pathetic self-righteousness, all the while blaming those around him for his various misfortunes. He’s Michael Scott with a graduate degree and a scruffy beard. The antithesis.

man

There are two sons, one who worships his dad; and one who favors his mom. While Walt the older son is trying to sound smart about books he’s never read and taking credit for songs he couldn’t write, Frank the younger son declares himself a “philistine,” one who isn’t concerned with good books or films at all. He is able to see the shallowness of his father and doesn’t even try to impress him. Walt defends his father (almost) to the very end, denying his own personhood in an effort to become like his idol.

woman

While Frank numbs his pain, Walt is forced step out from behind his father and look the world in the eye. It’s a story about a dysfunctional family – about living in New York – about tennis – about dating girls when you’re not ready for commitment. It’s about pride. It’s about what happens when we define ourselves by the wrong things, when our identity is tied to our eloquence. I had to think of the end of Peter Pan (the book) where Hook is finally defeated, yet he is content to lose the fight as long as he can point out what his opponent did wrong.

[Hook] had one last triumph…As he stood on the bulwark looking over his shoulder at Peter gliding through the air, he invited him with a gesture to use his foot. It made Peter kick instead of stab. At last Hook had got the boon for which he craved. “Bad form,” he cried jeeringly, and went content to the crocodile. Thus perished James Hook.

couple

It’s a story about a slippery woman who is unfaithful. It’s about a clumsy man who completely fills every space he enters. It’s a story about a squid and a whale – and I think it’s one worth hearing.

Episode 3: talking about college

For the last couple of months, I’ve been working at the radio station at Toccoa Falls College (we record stuff in our studio but don’t broadcast live). In the past, I’ve always set aside a day (or two) for work, cramming all my classes into the other days. This semester, that didn’t work out. When you go to a small school, you take the classes on whatever days you can get them. I’m enrolled in five.

Communication Ethics – Rhetoric of Media – Communication Theory – Research Methods – Old Testament Theology.

And when I’m not in class, I’m usually down in the basement of Forrest Hall in the communication department. As the radio station manager, I co-host my own podcast show, oversee four other shows, and do some of the producing. It’s really quite fun. The wage is quite minimal, but it covers the gas it takes to get to school.

studio

Last week on Friday, I sat down with Dr. Curt Wanner to talk about the value of education, about what college should really be about. Dr. Wanner is one of my professors, the dean of the school of arts and sciences, and pretty cool guy all around.

In this conversation, we talk about: producing (instead of finding) ourselves, learning how to think instead of what to think, and the value in setting ourselves on paths with unclear destinations.

I hope that you find this conversation interesting and helpful.

cheers.

The Lord’s Day

After church, someone in the circle brought up the age-old question, “So what are we allowed to do on Sunday anyway?”


Being a student requires me to read and to listen to lectures for many hours each week. What follows are not my own ideas – but a condensed version of reading from Peter Scazzero’s “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” and today’s lecture on creation by Dr. Wanner.

book
IMG_20190906_135133.jpg

Work and Rest

To understand rest, we must understand work. God works for six days, creating a flawless (yet imperfect and incomplete) world. On day seven God is enthroned over all he has made, and he hands the work of creation completion over to us. With the charge of authority and creativity, we are told to keep creating and bringing order to the world – and in this God delights. Today, there ought be no distinction between “my job” and “God’s work.” Regardless of our occupation or position, Christians must approach their daily tasks as work to bring the world closer to completion. It is our purpose. The rest of the world does not participate in this sacred work, striving only towards their own gain. And from this good work we are also called to rest.

Scazzero writes about two ways in which God invites us to rest, the Daily Office and Sabbath keeping. These two practices are “an entirely new way of being in the world…[they are] ropes that lead us back to God in the blizzards of life.”

The Daily Office

The Daily Office might be different from your devotions in that it doesn’t fill you up for the day, so much as ground your being; it centers your focus on God. It is a time during the day set aside for the Lord, a time to be with him. There are monks who stop seven times a day to practice the Daily Office:

Vigils: 3:45 a.m. (middle of the night)

Lauds: 6 a.m. (predawn)

Prime: 6:25 a.m. (“first” hour)

Sext: 12:15 p.m. (“sixth” hour)

None: 2:00 p.m. (“ninth” hour)

Vespers: 5:40 p.m. (“evening”)

monks

Scazzero encourages that we set our own time and length (anywhere from two minutes to forty-five minutes). “The great power in setting apart small units of time infuses a sacredness into the rest of my daily activities. The Daily Office, practiced consistently, actually eliminates any division of the sacred and the secular in our lives.”

This elimination of sacred and secular is something I long for. I want to grow into a frame of mind where every moment is holy, and I no longer see the work of God as separate from my daily tasks. This is what the Daily Office helps us do. “At each Office I give up control and trust God to run this world without me.”

Sabbath

To observe the Sabbath is not to rest our bodies in hope we will accomplish more in the long run. Sabbath is choosing to stop being productive, a rest where we lay down our work and trust our Father to provide what we need.

So what are we allowed to do on Sunday? Scazzero says, “Whatever delights and replenishes you.” Sabbath is about trusting God enough to stop being productive and taking time to delight. “Sabbath delight invites us to healthy play. ” After all, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” (Mark 2:27)

It’s also important to note that not everyone’s day of rest can be on the same day of the week. So we don’t have to feel guilty about forcing others to work. That is between them and God. Paul says, “One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord.” (Romans 14:5-6).

kids

I love how Scazzero compares Sabbath to a snow day. In the south, we get about one snow day every year. Everything stops – school is cancelled – work is cancelled – the plans you had are cancelled. And what do you do? You do whatever you want. You go out for a late breakfast with friends. You make a muddy snowman. You lay on the ground like a child and make angles. God offers us a snow day every week, even if July, if we’re up for it. It’s up to us to lean into to the concept, and it’s hard because the rest of the world never stops.

dsc_8417

A snow day is a free day. There aren’t lists of things you cannot do. So I say, imitate your heavenly father. He moved from six days of work to enthronement and rest. Likewise, take a day to enthrone yourself on the ole armchair and put down the good work you’ve been doing. The snow soon melts, and Monday always comes around.


all i know

I wrote this song one night while sitting on the floor of the room in the cover photo. Then, it still had bare studs and a plywood floor. It’s about the enneagram, and a girl, and it kind of borrows from a Springsteen song.

To record, I put some delay and distortion on my nylon string guitar by running it through my amp, which i laid on the floor under my chair and pointed up at the mic. That was fun.


12-18-18

Westminster, SC

“All I Know”

I guess I’m type five, always in an indecisive state of mind,

There’s so many choices, I guess I’m scared I just won’t choose them right,

All I know, is you sure look pretty,

In your summer clothes, with your black hair down,

And all I know, is I need you with me,

Wherever I go, wherever I go, I hope you stick around,

I know you, you’re a type two, doesn’t seem you’re phased by what you’re walking through,

And you’re shorter than my shoulders, somehow I have always looked up to you,

— 

IMG_20190817_202327~2.jpg

*shes’s actually a type nine.

good old days

This is my disbelieving smile: to those who say that we’re headed for hell – to those who say we’ve come so much farther than any other people – to those who say the good old days were so much different than today.

My friends, these are the good old days. And we too will fade away like ancient memories. Our kids will watch us get old, and they’ll laugh about our ancient ways and funny words.

We are tomorrow’s good old days.


2-22-19

Westminster, SC

“Good Old Days”

Some say the world is going to hell,

And some say that it just might as well,

They think we’re farther than anyone’s come,

They seem to forget the circles we run,

We are the fading memories of tired old men,

The whispered legends of way back when,

These are our children’s ancient ways,

And we are tomorrow’s good old days,

Some say we’re making history,

Flying cars and robots, these modern machines,

They think we’re farther than anyone’s come,

They seem to forget the circles we run,

IMG_20181210_230912-2.jpg

in your arms

This is my favorite song on this album.

It’s about having somewhere to run when the world around affords no place to hide, a bridge to walk up under when the road is getting driving rain. It’s a very short, simple song. I wrote it while sitting at my desk – then recorded it the same day.

5-18-19

Westminster, SC

“In Your Arms”

In your arms, and in your eyes,

There’s a place where even fools like me,

Are allowed to be alive,

So I smile, and then I cry,

Cause there is nowhere else for me,

In this world to hide,

IMG_20190822_175847.jpg

to the sea

I was on a surfing trip in Charleston with some of my best friends when this song came to me. It was late at night, and I was sitting up in a stranger’s living room. Then I went to Corey’s house, and helped me record it.

It’s about getting washed clean of everything that isn’t right, everything else. Sometimes I feel that happening when find my way down to the water.


7-27-19

Charleston, SC

“To the Sea”

I’m up for the ride, I’m out of breath,

I’m down for good times, I’m scared to death,

You’re all I want here, you terrify me dear,

Something inside knows, you’re what I need,

Accompany me, to the sea,

And the waves will wash us clean,

Accompany me to the sea,

And our doubts will go out like the tide,

It’s all so simple, there’s so much excess,

Standing between us, and what might come next,

Feeling real heavy, like I’m soaking wet,

I believe love, I’m scared to death,

IMG_20190730_213455.jpg

with you

I wrote this song after a basketball game one night. I had played really bad, and gotten really frustrated. It’s the longest song on the album, and took the most work to record. Tristan was staying at my house one weekend, so I made him help me. He played the percussion, some guitar, sang some ooooohs, and made the plopping noises with his mouth. Thanks, Tristan!

My favorite parts of this song are the strange tempo shift and the new C#m fingering I learned while writing it.


2-26-19

Westminster, SC

“With You”

Tonight, I stumbled all over the place,

Tonight, I didn’t have the cards to play,

Tonight, things just didn’t go my way,

But I like me better when I’m with you, maybe together we could make it through,

I’m down here doubting enough for us both, the light in your eyes gives me hope,

You make me smile like a fairy tale, if I’m Jonah be the whale,

I like me better when I’m with you, maybe together we could make it through,

Tonight, all my eyes could see,

Were giants, coming down on me,

I feel, like I floating out to sea,

But I like me better when I’m with you, maybe together we could make it through,

You’re always chipper like you’re in a good mood, but I’m melancholy so I need you,

Your smile is good news and your heart’s like gold, nothing but sunshine in your soul,

I like me better and I like you too, maybe together we could make it through,

54194763_829959160686833_1577678574586953728_n (2).jpg

Volume 3: “A Wide Open Room”

This is the third “album” of demos I am sending into the world. They are five songs I’ve written and recorded over the last year or so. I’ll post one a day for about a week.

The album is called “A Wide Open Room.” It feels like my future is bright and open. There is so much waiting to happen, and so much is uncertain. It feels like a new room ready to be filled. To be decorated – moved into – lived in. These songs are about looking close at what’s right beside me and dreaming about what’s coming into sight.

thanks to:

Corey Steiner for helping on track 1 (To the Sea) – he played everything that isn’t my voice or guitar, did the editing and such, and explained the difference between 3/4 and 7/8 timing.

Tristan Hertzler for helping on track 3 (With You) – he played the percussion, made the cool mouth noises, and didn’t even ask why the tempo needs to change.

Aleisha Boley for fixing the cover photo with her cool app.

Su, Brock, and everyone else who cared about these songs too.

a wide open room

A Wide Open Room 

  1. To the Sea
  2. In Your Arms
  3. With You
  4. Good Old Days
  5. All I Know

thanks for listening.